April 2nd, 2021

One year ago.

One whole year ago tomorrow we went to court for a hearing to remove G from our home.

What I remember most about April 2-3rd, 2019…

On this night one year ago, April 2nd,  I didn’t sleep. I sat in the floor beside G’s crib and prayed for the Lord’s will to be done and that no matter what happened the next day for the Lord to please let G be placed where he would be taught to love Him. I prayed that he would grow up and accept Jesus Christ as his personal Savior. That if I could not be his Momma.. that he would still be raised in the fear and admonition of the Lord.

April 3rd, 2019 I remember the words to Chris Tomlin’s “Whom Shall I Fear (God of Angel Armies)” pop into my head as we laid our stuff down before entering the court room the next day.

“I know who goes before me

I know who stands behind

The God of angel armies

Is always by my side

The One who reigns forever

He is a friend of mine

The God of angel armies

Is always by my side”

I remember that song so clear in my head from a year ago. I remember in that exact moment feeling like my legs were numb and asking the Lord to help me get to where we were supposed to sit. I remember those feelings. I also remember a feeling of Peace in that moment once we were seated.

I have thought all day today about what I would tell myself tonight and tomorrow if I could somehow go back. If I could put my arm around that Momma in the courtroom that day and that Momma that was so worried the night before. I think I would say, “He’s still here. G will be here a year from now. Go to sleep. Trust the Lord.”

If I could go back. I would pray for the Lord to increase my faith. To just go to sleep at the bottom of the boat instead of trying to stop the storm.

A year ago, I also couldn’t have predicted on this day a year later the world would be right smack dab in the middle of a Pandemic either. That schools would be closed, businesses closed, church services held online, jobs would be lost, etc.

What I do believe a year from now…

We will look back and know that the Lord took care of us April 2020. That we will look back on tonight and wish we could tell ourselves to go on to sleep, He’s got this, and He always has.

Lord, increase our faith!  



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